This is my letter to you. I want you to know how much you hurt me. You have caused me so much pain for so many years. When I was 16 my periods were so bad I'd spend days in bed and time off school. None of my friends seemed to have the same problems, yet I did not think it was that unusual. I did not know you were behind it. Christmas 2009 I started to feel really down and unwell. By February 2010 you started to increase the pain. Stabbing & shooting me in the stomach, making me jump when the pains came on so quickly. You made me feel completely insane when doctors would not believe me. You go where you want, when you want. You agonise my back and legs. You torment my ovaries, my cervix, my pelvis, my bladder and even twisted my bowel into a loop.
Two operations later, I've had you lasered out and cut out. At 23 I had 6 months of prostap which put me into a temporary menopause. No 23 year old should have to experience that and the side effects it put me through. Yet feelings mean nothing to you. You still find a way back. Twisting and stabbing your way in. Now age 26 you are crippling me with pain. You have me doubled over in pain, making it hard for me to walk and some days even getting out of bed is too much of a task. Endo, you have ruined my social life. A few years ago I would be out almost every weekend. Now I cant make plans. You creep up on me out of the blue. If I go out, I'm home early.
You attack my stomach so much it swells to double or triple the size. You make me look pregnant. I lost my job in March because of you. I had to take so much time off due to pain and sickness my employers wanted me out. After 9 years of working for them.
Recently, you've upped your game. To a whole new level. You have been making me feel so so alone. And depressed. You've made me cry every day for the last 3 weeks. This week you had me sobbing because of the pain you welcomed on in so many areas, all at once. Its becoming really hard to cope with. You certainly do not discriminate or play by any rules. You will hurt anyone at anytime. You're unpredictable leaves me feeling on edge. Frightened. You are fighting my pain meds to the max .. and winning at the moment. I was naive to think after my first operation that I would be free of you. Maybe even after the second I had small hope of it. Now I know differently. You're doing everything you can to hurt me, to get me down and make me give in.
But I'm warning you I will get my strength & faith back soon. And then I will be back in control. You may have me at the moment Endo, but it will not be forever x